Category: meaning

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I thought about it a lot and now I’m here

Dysfunctional with a Side of Anxiety

“I usually become a ghost to those who no longer deserve my time. I’ve never seen a point in explaining my absence to someone who failed to appreciate my presence. You don’t owe any explanations to those who hurt you.” //- R.H. Sin I have a new place that you can read my stuff: obiinwrites.wordpress. It’s just a blog all to my own. It’s going to be more personal, real, and free. I just want to try to focus on my mind and who I am. I want to express myself in the realest way possible and hopefully someone can gain … Continue reading I thought about it a lot and now I’m here

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I yearn for something that’s not here

Dysfunctional with a Side of Anxiety

“Give me raw conversation without filters or restraints. I yearn for something deeper, I long for understanding.” ― R.H. Sin Sometimes I write short paragraphs, want-to-be poems, little moments or feelings that I feel need to be written down. These aren’t long enough to be their own separate blog post and for that reason I will sloppily share them here, at 1 AM, with the lights on, and the air brisk. These are some from those two weeks I felt a lot, did a lot, moved on, didn’t move on, and had finals. 1.// I missed her smile Her loud laugh … Continue reading I yearn for something that’s not here

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Uneasiness

Dysfunctional with a Side of Anxiety

“Look at this, it’s my bone, a tip of bone torn from its flesh, filthy, filled up with woes, it’s the days of our lives sticking out, a blunt bone bleached by the rain. There’s no shine to it, innocent, stupidly white, absorbing the rain, blown back by the wind, just barely reflecting the sky.” -N. C. Something is off. There’s an uneasiness in the room that makes my stomach turn. Something is definitely not right. There’s a looming sense of dread in every breath I take. The air is filled with a toxicity like no other. There’s a constant, … Continue reading Uneasiness

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I’m loved, so why?

Dysfunctional with a Side of Anxiety

I’m loved. I’m loved. So why? I’m loved, I’m loved! So why? Why is it dark and empty. Why do I feel like I can’t breathe. What is this feeling? My mind is blank and everything feels heavy. My mind is clouded. I feel like my heart is being ripped apart. No, my entire chest. Like there’s an earthquake in my body and my ribs are slowly falling. Breaking apart, one by one they suffocate my lungs. All the wind is being sucked out of me. All I can feel are the hot tears running down my face. This is … Continue reading I’m loved, so why?

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Updates

Dysfunctional with a Side of Anxiety

These past couple of months were rough. I got my heart stomped on weeks before my birthday, found out the man I loved moved on quickly, and my work environment went downhill. One thing that is worth mentioning is an incident that occurred at work. Without going into too much detail, basically one of my superiors was a girl I went to high school with and one of my other coworkers who was my equal was one of her closest friends.  I have two supervisors working with me, and they did not get along too much. Most of their issues … Continue reading Updates

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Let’s Talk About Love

Dysfunctional with a Side of Anxiety

Love. I know for a damn fact I love whole heartedly and unconditionally to strangers. Growing up, I had close to nothing. I had a mother who barely acknowledges my existence, a father that is almost a myth in my life, and a life that keeps moving even though I need it to stop for a minute to catch my breath. I could say an excuse and claim that I love unconditionally because I know what it is like to be unloved or whatever. But, honestly, I know that that statement is complete bull sh*t. It is bull sh*t in … Continue reading Let’s Talk About Love

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These are all for you

Dysfunctional with a Side of Anxiety

“Now I would never diss my own momma just to get recognition Take a second to listen for who you think this record is dissing But put yourself in my position, just try to envision Witnessing your momma popping prescription pills in the kitchen Bitching that someone’s always going through her purse and shit’s missing…” I can’t even look at you right now. I feel like I’ve grown and I’m better. I’m amazing, doing everything I said I would by the book. But does that change anything? My version of me can’t coexist with the version of you right now. … Continue reading These are all for you

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3 A.M. Ramblings

Dysfunctional with a Side of Anxiety

My digital clock currently reads 2:58 a.m. I could not get myself to sleep with a million things racing on my mind. I think I should start by stating the fact that we hardly ever come to write when something overwhelmingly good happens. For example, I went to finally see my best friend and co-owner of this blog after two years of separation! I loved every moment I spent with her solely because I felt like I belonged somewhere. I love my best friend for always supporting me through every up and down I go through while being here, and … Continue reading 3 A.M. Ramblings

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For you

Dysfunctional with a Side of Anxiety

I wish I could tell you these things but I know I never will. It hurts me when you point how I was in the past, when in the present I’m trying to help you. Shooting down my every opinion and acting the equivalent of a five year old plugging their ears and yelling whenever I’m near you. I’ve found these new ways to become a better person and I only share these thoughts to try and help you find some kind of happiness. It’s like your brain refuses to hear me out because you already have a preconceived idea … Continue reading For you

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I shall become nothing, the wind, the sky

Dysfunctional with a Side of Anxiety

“As long as I can make them laugh, it doesn’t matter how, I’ll be alright. If I succeed in that, the human beings probably won’t mind it too much if I remain outside their lives. The one thing I must avoid is becoming offensive in their eyes: I shall be nothing, the wind, the sky.” The wind and sky, I’ve never thought of nothingness like that. This is  going to be another depressing rant so if you’re not into that then woops. If this is future me looking back on the past, hey you’re annoying and alive? (joke haha). Let … Continue reading I shall become nothing, the wind, the sky