Category: rant

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Neither happiness nor unhappiness

Dysfunctional with a Side of Anxiety

This feeling of failing is getting old. The ache in my chest hurts so much. It’s a tight feeling, like somebody is pressing both sided of my rib cage really hard, trying to break them. This lump in my throat, it’s hard to swallow. I feel like I’m trying to get out of a hole but every time my hand reaches the top, my footing gets unsteady and I fall right back down. I know the cheesy saying is to “get right back up and keep trying till it’ll get better!” But then I’ll question why bother? Why bother trying … Continue reading Neither happiness nor unhappiness

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I’m on a little boat

Dysfunctional with a Side of Anxiety

Today I tried going to a group therapy session that my therapist recommended I go to. Key word: tried. The obvious stressing of the word tried basically means that this story doesn’t have a great ending and this is just another unfortunate event in my life. I seem to have quiet a lot of those. My therapist had been wanting to me to attend this group for a while but because of my fear of experiencing the real world and leaving my house combined with my mother’s tight schedule, I kept flaking. Flaking, essentially meaning that every time she asked … Continue reading I’m on a little boat

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That is not the reason

Dysfunctional with a Side of Anxiety

“I don’t care if no one likes me. I wasn’t created in this world to entertain everyone.” I don’t understand where these strange feelings are coming from. I’ve tried to wrap my head around what started this  unexpected flow of  questions about my personality but I’ve decided to vent it out here. I’d like to think it was my unfortunate appointment I had with a psychiatrist. My regular therapist had recommended seeing them because a second opinion is always best (in some cases). I ended up leaving feeling very self conscious of myself, something I haven’t really felt in a … Continue reading That is not the reason

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Lets talk about life’s purpose

Dysfunctional with a Side of Anxiety

I feel actually insane. I’m so frustrated that I want to rip all my hair out. It’s the kind of frustration that makes you want to scream into a pillow, the kind that makes you ball your fists up until you can’t feel your fingers anymore. The kind of frustration that you can feel deep in your core, it even makes your throat hurt. It makes your eyes really watery and the tears threatening to come out feel really hot. I feel frustrated. No, I am frustrated. I’m frustrated with who I am, how my life is going and generally … Continue reading Lets talk about life’s purpose

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When a post doesn’t have a creative title

Dysfunctional with a Side of Anxiety

When a post doesn’t have a creative title you know it’s going to be a shit show and that’s exactly what this is. It’s currently 2:40 AM and I can’t seem to silence my thoughts. Today I graduated from high school and I was expecting something more. I really thought I’d be more happy about it. I’m actually excited to start new memories and continue my life after high school so I know it’s not the fear of change but today I felt off. I went to the ceremony and I was touched by the speech my teacher gave about … Continue reading When a post doesn’t have a creative title

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The Most Humiliating Thing Ever

Dysfunctional with a Side of Anxiety

This is honestly not even embarrassing. I think it’s just plain sad.  But, I cringe every time I think about it. Since it has been haunting me for some months now, I figured why not publicize it to the whole world? ha. ha…. I should start with the fact I work at a pool, yet I never go in. I’m not a lifeguard. I work as a recreation attendant/ cashier and take swim lessons or swim team payments. I also take care of some paper work. Now, what does this have to do with the most humiliating thing that grinds … Continue reading The Most Humiliating Thing Ever

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To The Bottom of My Heavy Heart, I Thank You

Dysfunctional with a Side of Anxiety

Thanksgiving is here. Even though everyday I am thankful, I feel the need to express my gratitude in the most humbling way I can. Even though this blog sounds like a whine-fest, I.G. and I really are happy with our lives (I swear we are). So to my deepest sincerity, I would like to share an open letter to everyone who has touched my heart and shaped who I am to this very day. I would like to start of with my grandparents. Mama and Dade, thank you for raising me as your own and teaching me the power of … Continue reading To The Bottom of My Heavy Heart, I Thank You

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I’m a Strong, Independent Woman… With a Man.

Dysfunctional with a Side of Anxiety

What I value about myself is my independence. I really don’t want this entry to sound vain and narcissistic, but I really want to express this side of me. I got so used to seeing the negative aspects of myself that I never stopped and gave myself credit. I am very proud to be where I am now. I work tirelessly. I have a lot of projects I hope to bring into my blogs, and I really hope you all would enjoy them… This isn’t what this is about. I recently began dating a new guy, and he’s definitely different. … Continue reading I’m a Strong, Independent Woman… With a Man.

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I Live in a Metaphoric Realm

Dysfunctional with a Side of Anxiety

My best friend calls me the queen of metaphors. I think that’s how I live my life. I like to think that the world around us is not always definite and that it has room for interpretation. Maybe this is my way of coping toward the misfortune that is my entire existence. When I was doing my independent study, one of my online instructors assigned a book called A Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl. I thoroughly enjoyed the material. It was written by a psychiatrist who was one of the most important contributors to the practice of existentialism … Continue reading I Live in a Metaphoric Realm

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It’s O.K. To Fall In Love More Than Once

Dysfunctional with a Side of Anxiety

This is probably something I have beaten myself up over for such a long time. For some reason, I had this image in my head that you only have one room in your heart for one special someone. I guess this is me accepting that my heart has, well I guess had, room for various significant others. Let’s start with the very first boy I fell in love with on this island. I think I only wrote about him privately, and the only post I made about him was when it was over. I first met him when I used … Continue reading It’s O.K. To Fall In Love More Than Once