Tag: rant

blog, life, meaning, rant, thoughts, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Neither happiness nor unhappiness

Dysfunctional with a Side of Anxiety

This feeling of failing is getting old. The ache in my chest hurts so much. It’s a tight feeling, like somebody is pressing both sided of my rib cage really hard, trying to break them. This lump in my throat, it’s hard to swallow. I feel like I’m trying to get out of a hole but every time my hand reaches the top, my footing gets unsteady and I fall right back down. I know the cheesy saying is to “get right back up and keep trying till it’ll get better!” But then I’ll question why bother? Why bother trying … Continue reading Neither happiness nor unhappiness

blog, life, meaning, rant, teen, thoughts, UncategorizedLeave a comment

I’m on a little boat

Dysfunctional with a Side of Anxiety

Today I tried going to a group therapy session that my therapist recommended I go to. Key word: tried. The obvious stressing of the word tried basically means that this story doesn’t have a great ending and this is just another unfortunate event in my life. I seem to have quiet a lot of those. My therapist had been wanting to me to attend this group for a while but because of my fear of experiencing the real world and leaving my house combined with my mother’s tight schedule, I kept flaking. Flaking, essentially meaning that every time she asked … Continue reading I’m on a little boat

blog, friendship, life, rant, self help, thoughts, UncategorizedLeave a comment

That is not the reason

Dysfunctional with a Side of Anxiety

“I don’t care if no one likes me. I wasn’t created in this world to entertain everyone.” I don’t understand where these strange feelings are coming from. I’ve tried to wrap my head around what started this  unexpected flow of  questions about my personality but I’ve decided to vent it out here. I’d like to think it was my unfortunate appointment I had with a psychiatrist. My regular therapist had recommended seeing them because a second opinion is always best (in some cases). I ended up leaving feeling very self conscious of myself, something I haven’t really felt in a … Continue reading That is not the reason

blog, friend, friendship, life, meaning, rant, self help, teen, Uncategorized2 Comments

Lets talk about life’s purpose

Dysfunctional with a Side of Anxiety

I feel actually insane. I’m so frustrated that I want to rip all my hair out. It’s the kind of frustration that makes you want to scream into a pillow, the kind that makes you ball your fists up until you can’t feel your fingers anymore. The kind of frustration that you can feel deep in your core, it even makes your throat hurt. It makes your eyes really watery and the tears threatening to come out feel really hot. I feel frustrated. No, I am frustrated. I’m frustrated with who I am, how my life is going and generally … Continue reading Lets talk about life’s purpose

thoughts, UncategorizedLeave a comment

“It’s the Simple Things”

Dysfunctional with a Side of Anxiety

It is no secret I have been seeking help for the crazy voices inside my head (please note the joke). The visits have been helping tremendously, and what makes it even better is the receptionist I see during every visit. Her name is Ms. Dee. What made our bond even stronger was the numerous flavors of Oreos. Each time I checked in to my appointments, she had a different type of Oreo to give me. Eventually, the flavors ran out and she would provide her own treats (oh dear impending diabetes she gave me banana pudding and red velvet pancakes … Continue reading “It’s the Simple Things”

blog, family, life, military, self help, thoughts, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Sir, No Thank You, Sir!

Dysfunctional with a Side of Anxiety

I want to begin by saying I am proud of our Armed Forces for their sacrifices for our country. Many military children follow the footsteps of their parents and enlist, but I am not one of them and I strongly refuse to be one of them. I have my personal beliefs on war and government, but those debates are exhausting I became a military brat six years ago when my mom married a Navy corpsman. Since then, my relationship with my mom just got exponentially worse. It seems like the military is the safest route to take and the only … Continue reading Sir, No Thank You, Sir!

life, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Why Write When Nobody Reads?

Dysfunctional with a Side of Anxiety

“Or she could return to the beginning, to the first moment she`d started to feel like playing wasn`t for her anymore. But she coudn`t rehash every hurt, every disappointment, every moment that felt like betrayal. And expect to arrive anywhere good.” The Lucy Variations Sara Zarr. I recently finished a book called The Lucy Variations by Sara Zarr. She is one of my favorite YA authors, and I have read many of her works. She has a recurring theme of adversity and inner conflicts in her main characters. I have also noticed that she uses different styles unlike most authors who basically have similar … Continue reading Why Write When Nobody Reads?

life, love, military, rant, teen, thoughts, UncategorizedLeave a comment

It’s O.K. To Fall In Love More Than Once

Dysfunctional with a Side of Anxiety

This is probably something I have beaten myself up over for such a long time. For some reason, I had this image in my head that you only have one room in your heart for one special someone. I guess this is me accepting that my heart has, well I guess had, room for various significant others. Let’s start with the very first boy I fell in love with on this island. I think I only wrote about him privately, and the only post I made about him was when it was over. I first met him when I used … Continue reading It’s O.K. To Fall In Love More Than Once

blog, family, life, love, meaning, rant, relatable, self help, teen, thoughts, UncategorizedLeave a comment

I’m sorry Mama

Dysfunctional with a Side of Anxiety

*This is going to be on the more serious side, TW: all around emo stuff, if it’s not your cup of tea, I’d suggest skipping this one* I got the inspiration to write this through hearing a song called cleaning out my closet by Eminem. I usually don’t go for rap when I’m listening to music but this particular song means something to me and inspired me to write. This song has played over and over during my childhood. It is one of my mom’s favorite songs, I remember her literally cleaning out her closet, listening to “cleaning out my closet” … Continue reading I’m sorry Mama

blog, life, thoughts, Uncategorized1 Comment

Now What?

Dysfunctional with a Side of Anxiety

This was probably the hardest realization I have had in a while. I made it pretty obvious that I have a certain relationship with my writing and even with music. But, there was something that has been bothering me for quite some time, and I believe it was the time to full tackle it on. My best friend brought it to my attention that I was running errands throughout my life. This meant that I only did what I did to check things off an imaginary list, but did it really make me happy? Something I wrote before called “I … Continue reading Now What?